What is this life really worth

For my sister.

A Special Sister – Aasha Joshi died last month at the age of 34. She was the mother of 3 years beautiful daughter. There are many glowing tales about her, but discussing her in the past tense is indeed an agonizing experience. Her shocking and tragic death has etched a frightening specter on our psyche and compelled me to ask the recurring question, what is this life really worth? 

Today is the 45th+ day of a dutiful mother, a diligent sister, a compassionate woman, a mentor like no other, and a people’s person. She was a woman whose life was in strict compliance with core values. She has the power of knowing people, she was the dearest and most talented among family members. She is the must-have person for any kind of family gathering for her dance, her drama (I never forget her Manthra drama from childhood), and her skills as a beautician although she was a banker as a professional.  

After 45 days I gather the courage to writhe about my sister. It’s hard to believe that she is not with us anymore 😢 😭. Her 11 months of pain and struggle ended on 1st Sep 2022. It all started after the pandemic, all offices started to open physically and among those institutions Banks were the first to operate physically. As a banker, she also has to go office and work. The branch office she was working on sends her to a different branch for support, during that time she said she had to go to the office which is far from the current one, and travel on Scooter because of which she was facing back pain. It all started with back pain – so no pain should be neglected, that can cause serious illness. 

She went for a checkup at Bharosa hospital for her back pain, one day while returning home she felt stomach pain and asked the doctor during her follow-up. The doctor advised her to do an ultrasound, in her report, there were 2-suspicious tumors appeared.  Without delay, Doctor asked her to visit Gynecologist at OM hospital. Om Hospital again asked her to visit  Nepal Cancer Hospital and Research Center.  I took her for the checkup at NCHRC, Visited Oncologist and she said we need to operate and it will be major surgery so call someone senior from the family. Until then we were not in a state of mind; like it could be so serious. We thought they will remove the tumor by operation and she will be fine. A few days of pain then back to normal life. But Everything happened the opposite on the day of Surgery, she has 2- tumors in the Ovary, which travels from the Stomach, They did the Frozen Biopsy, and reports came within a half hour my sister was diagnosed with stomach cancer(adenocarcinoma)- IV stage 😭. As recommended by doctors, she had her first surgery done on 10/3/2021 at Nepal Cancer Hospital, where Tumor was removed and her stomach was removed too. Following the surgery, she also started Chemotherapy. She had completed her 12 cycles of bi-weekly chemo and weekly Intra venous chemo for a couple of months.

She was bravely fighting for her life, with her daughter and husband by her side. The little daughter (2 years) is not up to the age who can understand what the cancer is doing to her mom. Regardless, she tells her all the stories from her daily life and the tv cartoons she watched and prays every morning for her mother. The undergoing therapies and treatment had taken a terrible toll on her body. She was gradually losing weight and hair but still manages to smile and play with her daughter. She was such a humble-hearted person who always stepped up to help anyone in need. She suffered a lot but still thought she will live but we know the truth, as the doctor already said about her life. Still, they think she made it this far, the struggle of 11 months was not a joke. Suffering from pain each moment, she used to say “1-day is felt like a year” no one can feel that pain. Mom take a break from her job and took care of her full-time. Mom can’t see her in so much pain and cried secretly sometimes. I used to visit her frequently to spend as much time as I can because I knew maybe that was my last visit, the last talk to her.  She used to plan for the baby’s future. She wants to secure her daughter’s life. 

She was under a high dose of medication, because of which she felt drowsy all the time. April 2022 – For our little sister’s marriage, we all visited to our hometown and did the shopping and planned to look good, while going to market due to a high dose of medicine she was not fit to ride on the scooter and she fell out of it and broke her leg. Now, look at this Cancer patient with blotted stomach and a broken leg, which made her struggle worse. After the medicine change for Cancer treatment, her stomach swelled, water filled in her stomach and had to do surgery to fit the pipe for the water outlet. She carried that water bag till the last. Every day, we drained almost 2-liter water, which induced another issue of falling blood pressure. Because of her blood pressure drop, she was admitted to ICU. After discharge from ICU, She was a different person, Scared a lot and said never send me there again. Then after a few weeks, her hands and feet are also swelling. She was too weak even can’t walk by herself. She need support to do anything. Frequent visits to hospitals for supportive care and food injections, pressure maintenance etc continued for the remaining days.

I can’t write her journey of pain anymore. She was the favorite grand child of our maternal grandparents. Because our grandparents took care of her when she was 3 months. Mom has to prepare for her higher education so Aasha was sent to them thats why she is the beloved among all of us. After 2-years of his death, Aasha left us on the same tithi, same day and even the same time 1-sep-2022 at 10:10 am – The same day and time when grandpa died. Everyone talking about the life after death, and I don’t know how much is relatable.

I miss you!! Always think if you were still here with me, laughing during the good times and crying during the bad ones. I miss being able to call you any time and spend hours talking about everything. Memories fade over time, but you aren’t a memory you are a part of me. I wish I could do more for your life.